How to Survive the Debt of a Spouse

When two people fall in love and get married, they picture a life of happiness and romance. Debt of one spouse sometimes causes considerable stress in the marriage, and financial troubles often lead to divorce. Safeguard your marriage and survive your spouse's debt by facing your woes head on, seeking outside support and working on a plan toward financial security. Organizing your debt together could even bring you closer as a couple.

Instructions

1

Acknowledge the problem. Sit down with a pen and paper, your bills, pay stubs and other financial information. Write down every debt and each bit of income coming into the household. If your spouse will not be honest about debts, complete this first step with a counselor trained in working with people who have spending problems.

2

Approach your problems as a team. Even though your spouse may have gotten you into a bad financial situation all on her own, now that you are aware of the problem, you are both in the situation together. Acknowledge any role you have played in the issues and resolve to move forward without blame. Become willing to help your spouse conquer her debt problems and work together to find financial security.

3

Seek outside support. Confide in trustworthy friends, your religious leader or a skilled therapist. Do not keep secrets. Find support groups for you and your spouse, such as Debtor's Anonymous and Debt-Anon. If your spouse refuses to get help for himself, resolve to get your own help, regardless of what he does.

4

Create a financial plan. Meet with a financial planner or enroll in a financial workshop hosted by a respected financial authority, such as Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman. If your spouse is unwilling to create a debt reduction plan with you, separate your finances as much as possible by removing your name from credit accounts and putting major assets in your name alone. Then work on cleaning up your side of the street. Decide who is responsible for paying monthly bills and divide them accordingly.

5

Get couples therapy. Debt puts a major strain on marriages. While your money situation will not change overnight, you and your spouse should begin working on some of your underlying issues. Talk about your feelings and communication issues with a trained marriage therapist who can help you to resolve conflicts and focus on the positive areas of your marriage.

6

Find balance. Your entire marriage relationship is not likely based on money. Though you must honestly face your struggles, they do not have to take over. Set aside certain mandatory times for discussing the finances; do not talk about them at other times.

7

Create romance. Anger, frustration and fear about money have a way of destroying romance, especially if you allow your financial situation to occupy every moment of your day. Take time to remember the things that you and your spouse have done to nurture the romance in your relationship. Set date nights for every week; try to recreate early memories by going on a walk at sunset, enjoying a candlelight dinner in front of the fireplace or a picnic on the beach--all inexpensive. Nurture the strong points of your relationship so that they will carry you through your struggles.

8

Celebrate success. Each time you and your spouse pay off a debt, hug. When you go from being in the negative each month to having a little extra money, take time to do something special for each other. Acknowledge emotional progress, too, as you feel emotional freedom from the bondage of debt and the damage it caused in your relationship. Focusing on each small success will help to balance out other stress in your life and give you both the momentum you need to keep moving forward.