How to Tell Your Spouse You're in Debt

It can be very emotionally draining to keep secrets from your spouse. If you have accrued debt that your partner is unaware of, it is not a secret you will be able to keep forever. The next time the two of you apply for credit or a loan, the outstanding debts on your credit report are likely to come up. In the event that you are unable to pay your debts, you could face damaged credit, a wage garnishment, a bank levy, or even a property lien. If you live in a community property state, your spouse is as liable for the debts as you are, even if he is ignorant of their existence. It is far preferable to be upfront about your debt problem so that you and your spouse can work together to solve it.

Instructions

1

Identify the underlying problem that caused you to go into debt initially. Are you a compulsive shopper? Do you have a problem keeping track of your account balances? Do you spend money only when you are depressed? Whatever the problem is, identifying it is the first step to working toward an acceptable resolution.

2

Make a tentative plan to pay off the debt before you confess. You may need to call a debt counseling agency or simply do a bit of strict budgeting. By planning out a way to salvage your financial future, you can show your spouse how important paying off your debt is to you and that you are already taking active steps to remedy the problem.

3

Choose the right time and place to talk about the debt problem. The issue should be discussed face-to-face when you are alone at home. Avoid confessing a debt problem to your spouse over the phone or via email. It is also a good idea to wait until children are asleep.

4

Confess everything. Even if you think that leaving out a small debt here and there may soften the blow, the truth will come out eventually. When it does, your partner will feel betrayed all over again. Tell the whole truth the first time.

5

Show remorse and apologize. You did not just rack up debt, you betrayed your spouses trust by keeping secrets. Showing your spouse how sorry you are will demonstrate how unlikely you are to commit the same offense twice.

6

Allow your spouse time to process the information. Your partner may want to leave for a few days or not speak to you for a while. Try not to get too hurt. People process problems differently, and this is a huge blow to your partners emotional and financial security. Back off and give him room to come to terms with the issue at hand.

7

Work together to rectify the problem. Discuss your plan to repay the debts with your spouse and listen to his ideas. Cooperation among the two of your will make the debts disappear much more quickly than if you were to attempt to pay them off on your own.